December 12, 20xx (ANS)

New York -- The United Nations today approved a resolution that will allow the use of multi-warhead nuclear weapons against internet spammers.

The United States Ambassador to the United Nations said   "This crap has been allowed to go on far too long. It's eating network bandwidth and wreaking havoc with communications systems around the world. More importantly, we don't need any more f**king VnIAGRna!!!"

More to come... we're sure.